11th July 2026
I was expecting a friend and his partner to come to my home last Friday afternoon in which i received a text when they were supposed to be here telling me they were not coming as they were doing something different and i wondered what type of friend does this. I struggled throughout my life with being cancelled , excluded or let down with “it is only chris , he will not mind” and i would say to myself “it does not matter” . After the terrible episode with my sister before moving here i declared to myself , and it has taken so much work to respect myself , i do matter , i deserve better and i care about myself to a point i will never let people do this to me again. My friend knew this, he also knew i need time to prepare myself due to my autism, but he had something better to do and he has done this before.
What i have learnt is that actions speak louder than words !
I was upset for some days as it brought up old wounds but also it opened a strength up inside of me , a clarity of self integrity and the courage to walk away. That i deserve better.
I have an old pattern , actually quite a few, of grasping out when i am in panic mode hoping that someone i have reached out to will help. It never works out ! Perhaps it is not meant to work out and the life lesson i have to learn is becoming myself. So , i have begun to reach out within me , to ask a question within a meditation and also to create an intention to connect to something higher than myself. The beginning was to try and sell my work in Tynemouth Weekend Market with baby steps and expand outwards. Thoughts like “Take your own action , trust yourself and have faith “ appear. What about Branacos , and how i could inspire more people to go into nature, “Waterfalls” came into mind. I have a few weeks off at the end of July , in August i will begin a blog , a silent youtube guide ( i am not the best talker ! ) and then a ebook guide of Waterfalls in the Northern parts of England.
I say “England” for people rather than myself as i do not consider this land as “England” but as best “Albion” which roughly translated means “Land”
My thoughts were , i could just not do anything and hope for the best over the next two years which a wider sense of not being attached to outcomes is needed or have projects and see what happens , i could end up in the same position but i would of had some fun learning and connecting to more things.
What did show up was a deep insecurity of investing a small amount of next years money which i need to lean into and re-learn to trust myself more. I felt that deeply inside me and from 5 years ago i have transformed into mindfulness of noticing feelings within me and learning just to acknowledge it and let it be. Keeping myself small with a dose of wishful thinking is not going to progress my life and build something new. I think sometimes i still have the employee mindset even though i have been self employed for 16 years.
Hareshaw Linn
Lush woodlands to wander through in the warmth of summer with just a small bag and my camera is heaven especially early morning with not one other person in sight. I can talk to the trees , chatter to the flowers to reveal their perfect side and listen to the birds.
I like that you have to keep up with nature as the summer pace in July is fast , a new tiny purple flower emerges as quickly as one dispenses its petals revealing something even more beautiful. Mindfulness slows our minds to the rhythms of the forest where the most unlikely delicate flower in in the midst of thuggish foliage. Right there , bolder than brass and with such a strong conviction of their own presence.
I have reverence of the thuggish foliage and how the horizon becomes lost in the woodland and inter twining branches emerge from nowhere. I feel comfortable and accepted as i sit in silence and i am sure there is a smile when i am muttering to myself as i find something else to share. It is like a sweet shop brimming with delights that you want to try them all with a kind old wise man serving you with a knowing smile he is really the green man.
Before you enter the woodland there is a path with the verges full of summer plants , cow parsley , thistles , knapweed plus many more in all states of being and it is simply gorgeous. I have been told that Adders live within these verges and i am ever hopeful to catch sight of one : i wouldn’t wish to disturb their homes as i can share its beauty from the track. But , what i home to have , to wake up to and enjoy each day during the warmer months and then as it goes to sleep until next time.
The tree blossoms are now on their way out and ready to sprout their fruits to ripen over the summer and i love watching them grow. What perfect photograph for me is my showing my nature friends growing to share their goodness to all.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
I cannot resist an early morning in Bakethin as the sun filters into the forest highlighting the mossy bumps of felled trees. It shows how life catches you and provides faith into resilience. However , the show is along the verges of the tracks full of colour and drama.
Daisies are everywhere hand in hand with clover that it can dominate our attention as thats their intention. I have two thoughts on photographing as many of the same is that firstly when things are in abundance , feel that abundance within you and secondly if you were a street photographer you would not say “ i have one picture of a human already” . Go out and be abundant and take photographs of the same thing.
In the Wild , Painting
Watercolour on 33 × 50 cm Fabrinno Watercolour Paper
Bull Crag Peninsular
Love , love and love capturing summer flowers on a backdrop of a wonderful view. I wonder , does a bee sitting on top of a flower take a moment to look at the wonderful gift of a view and tell its family back at the hive there is some wonderful nectar with a gorgeous view ?
The chestnut trees are now laden with newly formed nuts and like its neighbour Bakethin the verges are full of spectacular white daisies , triumphant foxgloves and there is one or two dandelion seed heads remaining to make a wish. I am a sucker for it all glistening in the sunlight , there is something healing about seeing this. It is like my ancient self is awoken in remembrance of still quietness of this land providing all in equity.
It is not satan favourite plant having fell on it from the heavens but the bramble surely is my favourite . This plants fills my soul with happiness every time i see it. Its courageous , strong , delicate , humble and giving.
