20th March 2026
I had been thinking about where my diary is going and after watching a podcast with Lee Harris and he said the same, but the wisdom he received was it wasn’t about the content or direction but the purpose of consistently showing up with vulnerability for whoever wishes to connect to it. I thought i would be a bit freer in the diary beginning allowing me to diary about life rather than themes which feels more natural for me.
I also thought just to have a date as my title. I always find titles a bit disappointing and if people wish to find me then i am here authentically for them. Connections are really hard for me due to my autism but i feel this space is a good space for me to hold.
I do not want to bring politics into my diary as there is enough content but i feel that i am obliged to know about what is happening in the world as there are many that just cannot switch off their media so it goes away. It is difficult to watch and i struggle with regulating my emotion when i see injustice , cruelty and violence leading to innocents being murdered.
I feel lack of agency in watching primarily rich white men wanting more and more of everything and willing to suppress others and murder for it, even children. I get upset with media part in this and struggle to see how little humanity these people have. I keep on thinking about the tough war talk politicians , billionaires and the media have and they should be at the front line if thats what they believe in.
What i have been taught is that when our own attachments of security have been triggered we become overwhelmed, become anxious and also witnessing other peoples trauma our empathy becomes overloaded covering up our wellbeing and unable to operate mindfully denying access to innate qualities of clarity and hope. It is right to be angry but when that anger dominates our being we become in-effective as we drown in negative consistent thoughts.
Just be with the feeling
Just be with the information
There is nothing for you to figure out
We all are different and there are different ways we can be active against this but we all can use , compassion , prayer , love and goodness. We re-focus the directed at us divisiveness into kindness to others , expression of goodness to all and not participating in their rhetoric. Saying a prayer for those under attack transforms your overwhelmed empathy into compassion easing and transforming that emotion into hope. Consciousness follows intention and when more and more people do this there is a new vibration on earth of goodness.
When we are triggered whether we a grasping for more or pushing away what we dislike things which becomes more and more causing a cycle of karma which intensifies. This feels like the powerful at the moment desperately clutching hold of power and wealth whilst going to war with everyone.
Love and kindness to others changes the reality. Expression of goodness to our neighbours , our neighbours are the everyday people on this planet, is transformative to a better world.
Hareshaw Linn
The weather is settling a little bit , i did say “little” ! but probably enough for the woodland to change once again and the moments of warmer sunshine is going to get everything manifesting faster. That’s what i love about the woodland is its constant movement.even when its very subtle. When i look at my paintings done in Kielder Forest i do not look at them individually as a product but as journal of impermanence in which i too constantly change reflecting the moods of the forest. They feel like frames in a film capturing a mood of a place.
I found new life and that being my favourite, Dandelions , the most hated flower of the middle class manicured grass class. There was only one , beside the banks of the Burn which i had to scramble to reach. Just look at that yellow its magnificent Bud are beginning to reveal themselves more , before it was tentative , investigative and perhaps wishful thinking like everyone else.
Echoes of the last year are still strong albeit a lot more withered and wrinkly but there is a beauty about them, a sense of grace and dignity and they deserve our attention. Nothing is linear , everything has its own cadence , its own moments and purpose. One just doesn’t end for a beginning as there are layers , sometimes so subtle we do not notice them and when we pay attention to them , treat them with respect with no judgement it becomes harmonic.
Bull Crag Peninsular
I do love finding new little woodland enclaves and i think i have written this lots of times of imagining mystical woodland creature performing magic ritual when humans have gone home.. There is a little twinkle from something saying you are welcome in , come and see our magical portal and i cannot resist, i am half hoping there is a Pixie sitting on a moss encrusted log to show me some secrets with a mischievous smile.
The magic is everywhere for everyone to see and experience , the Pixie isn’t an external form it is part of our own DNA , something kept within us but slowly concealed. The secret is the re-connection back to nature and to be able see through our hearts rather than industrial mindset. You are the Pixie which roams the woodland , the tree within a woodland gathering moss whilst manifesting an abundance of leaves then to let them go. It is your belief which blinds you from all which you are.
Hopefully in April there will be a multitude of growth , new beginnings and hope for nurturing a new year. I think that the blackberry is a symbol of reciprocity , to share kindness , to gift others assistance , to be helpful and all of which makes a yummy pie of goodness.
The blackberry bush is often one of the first to venture out in the new year with its leaves readying itself to form little nuggets of delight.
In the Wild, Painting
A morning stillness
welcoming warmth
breathe.
An emerging moment
a mark
a mistake
bird song
nature watching
found shapes
manifesting images
painting in the
wild
Top Left : Watercolour on 50 x 65 cm Fabrinno Oil paper
Top Right : Watercolour on 33 × 50 cm Fabrinno Paper
Middle Left : Watercolour on 170 × 250 mm Leda Supplies Sketchbook
Middle Right : Watercolour on 140 × 210 mm Watercolour Sketch Book
Bottom: Watercolour on A3 Canson Watercolour Paper
Bakethin Nature Reserve
Welcome back Bakethin Nature Reserve.
Events had changed my decisions to go to another woodland in lieu of here but i really wanted to stick with Kielder as this is my home and i have started to enjoy this type of environment. World events and the cost of petrol was eventually the decider and i went early morning Wednesday, it was even at seven in the morning 8 degrees which was lovely especially as i was sat in the forest last Saturday in minus 1 degree painting.
It was a combination of needing just to go outside , see how badly the logging affected the nature reserve especially for my painting as i would like to go back to all the wonderful upturned trees to paint. Also , i have ideas of adding oil plein air painting to my repertoire as playing with textures of the woodland. For 30 years , i have been stuck in a office for 10 hours plus and now i want to work outside.
You have to go looking for signs of spring as it just looks exactly like it did 4 weeks ago but when you tune your eye things begin to pop out , it is mostly in miniature along with the odd sprouting coppice. I love seeing deeper and closer to nature as there is so much we do not see , beautiful colours and shapes , intricate formations holding onto moisture and i am in awe how that is stored in memory for each year to emerge once again.
If i had one word to describe this time of year in Kielder Forest is that its “handsome”.
Early spring shows all the layers of time , with something still green, something beginning and skeleton of trees waiting to be adorned with green.
I get quite excited , i want to be there when it changes , that exact moment when life forces itself through the remnants of the winter to rejoice in abundance.
But until then i will enjoy how the moss colours are complex and deep forming mystical forms which i am in love with.
