2nd May 2026
It was one of those weeks which i thought nothing would work and i should go slow and let whatever happens , happen in its own accord. Although first thing on Monday i was sure the week was a wipe out already, i managed to get more done , in my non doing state and i also won £54 on the Lotto which was a surprise as i only bought a ticket on a whim and do not normally buy them. That goes to show you , life is always about the right time and when you are present things show up more for you.
I have been following some intentions from recent insights which seem to gather just i get up in the morning. My Aphantasia causes almost no autobiographical memory except some vague narratives, and my mind infills this dependent upon my mood. Then right down the rabbit hole of a created illusion getting me lost in thinking about something i made up. Also , my focus has been on what i do not have and making that an excuse for not doing the things i want to do which limits me. I do not need a past, i do not need an identity to live my life and i have everything i need for the next 12 months so i have created a “back to breath” 5 minute meditation each time my mind picks those topics : as an intention to re-wire my thought patterns.
I feel sometimes it is me that is blocking synchronicities by over thinking and although i cannot visualise a future i can be present in just being what i do moment by moment and let things unfold.
Today i have a catch up with my fellow Mindfulness students online with the Mindfulness Association which will make my day very long as i will have to start my photography May wanderings around Bull Crag about 6 am, i am looking forwards to seeing how other people are incorporating mindfulness in their life but my Autistic brain starts trying to practice things to say which has been a challenge for me to be spontaneous. There will be plenty of “back to breath” on my walk around Bull Crag , or “back to camera” as my mind will be racing about the meeting.
Bull Crag Peninsular
Mindfulness has allowed me to develop a love watching the new green leaves flickering in the light beside the Mother tree and to feel that energy of newness. I wonder quite often how really do the trees think of us, as our perceptions are often covered up to how we think of ourselves or wish things to be. I also wonder when did we forget them as beings or was it them who closed the communication because of industrialisation.
Does mother earth know we are all not bad and wish to invite us back home or has the compassion gone and plainly wants us to Fuck Off (sorry for the swear word) ? When i see destruction i do wonder but sat quietly in the woodland i feel the trees want to talk, Perhaps , they just want to re-connect themselves and be friends , just hang out and share our realities without needing something !
We ourselves do not have to consistently communicate a stream of words and can just sit together in silence knowing we have each other without the need to fix things.
Maybe , the trees communicate through feelings and subtle actions rather than transactional words. The wisdom exists in our bodies and those feelings you receive sat silent in nature do not need interpreting into thoughts. Perhaps the trees are saying “lose the words and just be “
When i first wandered the woodlands in North Yorkshire i felt that the trees did not understand English as its a foreign language to this land but what words are not , the Beaker people celtic is foreign , the Neolithic is foreign and even the Mesolithic came from elsewhere therefore which human language do the trees understand. ? The more i went , the more i realised , trees do not understand words , they understand something deeper , more ancient which we all have innate within us as we too are the trees , the rivers , the earth , the mountains and air.
Trees understand our hearts.
I expect those who came million years ago knew the language of the trees.
Imagine nature over thinking everything , about whether spring will arrive , whether flowers will bloom and leaves turn golden in autumn. Instead life to happening, nature becomes far too busy worrying about being nature. How would these beautiful green shoots manifest and the sublime leaf become from nothing if nature was absent thinking whether they would happen.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
Last year seem to go on for ever and now its May already and although this week its been warm the early mornings have a crispness of late autumn than mid spring.
The light has changed as the sun has elevated in the sky but there is still a softness if you wander first light than weaves itself through the trees and illuminating the opaqueness of the moss along with the dampness of thawed frost saturating those reddy brown old ferns whilst creating stark contrasts on the birch bark.
I love my early mornings to go meeting my nature family , to share a coffee and indulge in a natter. I sometimes get caught by the odd wanderer chatting to the plants as i take their picture but mainly most are tucked in a warm bed and will only venture out until the sun is warmer which is my blessing.
It is this weekend , the beginning of the month when i do my first pass with my camera , i have to be sparing as petrol is at a premium and even though i live in Kielder , some places are still 10 miles away. I am so so excited for my first May in these places and even though i cannot hold a visual memory of last time , when i am there what was before unfolds like a movie.
I am hoping for fuller , brighter and a depth of tones to waken my heart to the simplicity of life. I want to feel that just being without needing to be anything more , to exist , to belong and to share how i bloom. My shape , my colours and my way for experiencing life to compliment others.
In the Wild , Painting
Come , dance
with me , and
abandon your
hope for being
now.
Christopher Evans
Top Left : Watercolour on 56 × 76 cm Bockingford Watercolour Paper
Top Right : Watercolour on 33 × 50 cm Bockingford Watercolour Paper
Mid Left : Watercolour on A3 Canson Watercolour Paper
Mid Right : WAtercolour on 140 × 210 mm Watercolour Sketch Book
Bottom : Watercolour on 170 × 250 mm Leda Supplies Sketch Book
Hareshaw Linn
Moment by moment of mindfulness doesn’t have to count every micro second there are pauses, space and in-betweenness compassionate emptiness. To feel the in-between , to experience the negative space to realise it all exists as one. Nature is your master guru and your quiet stillness the pupil. There is nothing to achieve from the lesson but experiencing life without having to push and pull at everything.
Nature guides that everything belongs and is relevant and nothing is lesser because something else is revered more by some. All your endeavours form the ecology of you . Nature does not curate it allows everything to breath and evolve. Everything is beautiful when you let go of judgement.
Life allows something new be created from what happened before and then that something new becomes an end to allow something else. Like two of the same old Rose Hips they experience life differently and look different , then perhaps next year they will be different again. The beauty of creating isn’t making novelty but understanding how we evolve and experience life differently.
