9th May 2026
I was tempted not to attend the Mindfulness Association gathering of all those who completed level 3 Insight but as the teaching goes, we need to lean into the challenging feelings to see what lies behind this discomfort ; i made it along this time which i was thankful. It was quite weird to be labelled as experienced meditation practitioner as it does not feel like that, but that is because i do not have a reference point in my memory. What has moved on is knowing that i prefer just to be present and listen. Due to how my mind works i often really do not have an opinion and if i did i wouldn’t be able to access it anyway in the time constraints :this has been a mindfulness path of learning that my words sometimes do not really reflect me but just someone else’s impatient need for me to explain me. I am happy in silence ! There is no need to have any opinion ! I do not need to fix this !
It was such a rich gathering not just chatting but being present with others meditating together. Due to my condition i do not experience people when they are not present but i realise afterwards that i really enjoy company when its not demanding.
Our first chat was about “our needs” and asking for them to be met whether to the universe or to others within our human sphere. I think its a deep enquiry as we need to understand whether we are listening to our true selves or running an attachment program. I know i have attachments to financial security and that for the next 12 months i have everything i need financially which my enquiry to myself is whether this situation is manufacturing a false flag of needs met as my attachments are fulfilled , it does help having space to create something without the pressure but i would like to free myself from the insecurity regardless without being reckless.
I feel that i have to be ashamed of having a need of building a life which aligns to my values and the things i love : it is something still clinging to me. I think that the reasons for me not to ask the universe is thinking i do not deserve , not good enough , not having the approval of the system and just want to keep unseen. However , my intentions and actions of what i am consistently doing every week is asking by showing myself even when i feel great resistance.
I feel grateful that i do feel aligned and fulfilled with my life in what i do right now and also i just love my life where and as it is , simple and quiet which resonates within me. I feel i do not need to make great ego announcements and gestures or being something spectacular. I feel i am enough as i am.
Tuesday this week i had a need to just be as i felt overwhelmed and drained by everything which it was a pity that the weather was not very good as i could of sat outside with Stella (meeting her needs) but everything was criss-crossed as Wednesday i was full of beans , went for an early wander through the forest from my home , found some beautiful forms and had some ideas. but as it was a lovely day , Stella was wanting me to sit outside with her.
My first idea was my love of all the amazing trees i meet and i thought i should add a gallery on my website. My second was a re-kindled idea from creating a small daily blog of “natures way” . I sometimes wonder that nature therapy has become too commercial and miss the real point of connecting back to nature. Even , Forestry England whilst destroying part of a nature reserve promote “Forest Bathing” and academic papers of its health benefits which seems insincere to me. I was curious to what it really means to connect to nature and it requires being a relationship and reciprocity involved. The academic papers i have read during my studies of mindfulness nature concern is human health benefits, but does it really ? what benefits do we have with human connection when love is one sided ?
I am planning , not sure on how it will form , maybe even Youtube ( thats scary for me) and look into what nature connection really means to people and too nature. However , i want my offerings to be positive and filled with my enthusiasm. It may take some time.
Bull Crag Peninsular
Two weeks and spring has come along in leaps and bounds but not all is quite filled out yet. The verges are still quiet with some grasses and the odd Dandelion.
What i loved was the light illuminating the tree leaves which are slowly populating the trees. Quite soon the leaves will fully cover the trees making them feel light rather than the heavy-ness of winter branches creating shadows of mystical creatures.
There is richness and if you allow yourself to be curious and bring your attention to the small and often deemed insignificant it rewards you with awe and beauty. A simple pine shoot with its remarkable vibrant green tiny pointed forms bursting out of its brown similar shapes soon to become individual olive green pine needles show a fractal world which is something to behold in your heart in awe , a remembrance of ourselves of how we become.
The forest floor has a sap green mist covering large areas which seem to move along the woodland over summer and then disappear over the winter. When you look more intently with love and care for the woodland you will see it has a small wisperery and twisty structure to it which always remains. They look like heather forms and when you look closely it is like a minature world of the woodland , little minute trees of joy. The key is building love of everything , be-friending the whole and this will develop your awareness.
The art of noticing requires open awareness and intention to connect to everything. Concentrating on silence is as noisy than thinking and it takes practice just to be in the flow of life. There was a line in a Rumi poem the mindfulness teacher chatted about “ do not go to sleep” for me this means “embrace life fully” as its full of wonder. Open awareness is letting your mind be at rest and allowing life to come alive with joy.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
The early morning frost is still holding onto the year , this week began with my wander through the woodlands with a chill in the air and before the sun rose higher and beautiful crispness on the whats waiting to open to the sunlight. The Dandelion looked like a beautiful cake dusted with icing. It was also still cold hands and breath painting in the woodland but i do not mind this , i feel the connecting to the woodland with my body as i find forms from my chosen muse.
As spring sprints into summer the verges to the woodland claim the limelight of the drama as new life emerges competing with the streams of light from the early morning sunlight amongst the trees. I do love waiting for the sun to rise above Falstone and filter through the wooded sections beside the reservoir and highlight the tops of the moss mounds healing the violence of forestry work. There is something special just to be there and feel something timeless to all of us : it has no preferences or judgements to whom it casts its spell on.
We are at a special moment within the year and thats the excitement of Fiddleheads , un-furled Ferns. Just look how magnificent they are , the colours and textures it contains in this form. It is just beginning , beneath the woodland floor are tiny explosive intentions of delight waiting to happen. They magically appear over night and then multiply as others realise that the warmth is upon us and the woodland needs its coverage to protect all that use it.
The feast isn’t just on the verges of woodlands but amongst the deciduous native trees with buds which remind me of Hilma Af Klints watercolour and Ash leaves with flowering buds slowly energising before bursting out in their song.
In the Wild , Painting
Nature catches you
in a warm embrace
Top Left : Watercolour on Bockingford 56 ×76 cm Watercolour Paper
Top Right : Watercolour on Canson A3 Watercolour Paper
Middle Left : Watercolour on Leda Supplies 170 × 250mm Sketch Book
Middle Right : Watercolour on 140 × 210 mm Watercolour Sketch Book
Bottom : Watercolour on Fabrinno Watercolour 33 × 50 cm Paper
Hareshaw Linn
I was so taken back with the pure splendour of the woodland , last months showed promise but mainly the woodland was still sparse. Now its a green wonderland of yummy delights , whites and yellows all promising more and more. It is now that your visits be more frequent so that you do not miss one bit of the spring extravaganza. Let the show begin !
I am fully in my squirrel photography mode of bounding everywhere , photographing everything and what is 3 miles of beautiful native woodland takes me as long in hours to complete my outing. I love the close enquiry of the individual flower , leaf and plant but my main love is finding little stories of how everything belongs together .
The Wild Garlic is flowering now and there will be a constant wave of whiteness spread across the fleshy green leaves then a wonderful aroma will fill the woodland There is quite a contrast between the robustness of the leaves and the delicate white flowers which i love. The flowers reminds me of twinkling stars and as the birds awake the trees these plants awaken the forest floor and invite back creatures to rest and be safe.
