A simplified week.
It has been one of those weeks where I just wanted to take time out and sit silently allowing everything to be as I have been so overwhelmed by thinking too much about my future and what I am not seeing.
I think its the hardest thing to have faith by letting go and I am well out of my comfort zone as what I see and know is fighting for survival and not letting go whilst deep down I know that’s counter intuitive as the resistance causes a mismatch in what you want for your life.
A few days later I decided I would trigger my inner critic and make shitty photographs by experimenting to see whether I could see deeper into something. I love doing this , its process without judgement which the fundamentals of mindfulness. Joy doesn’t need an outcome.
I wanted to move my over thinking back being present and realised that I do not give myself enough space in my head to be still. I need to listen myself and the universe more , it’s tough , you listen to people who say remarkable things but you just cannot be everything and the kindest path is your own path.
So , I sat for hours each day feeling very nervy and twitchy letting things just be and being OK. Allow my own wisdom to surface and perhaps lay off the Podcasts and read poetry , listen to music and dwell in silence.
However , I need to note Stella ( the cat) act of bravery as I woke about 2am and she was at the end of the bed sat up staring out an intruder cat to keep me safe whilst I slept. We vacated the big cat together and she had a treat of Tuna for breakfast and by her choice Tea also.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
A frosty autumn morning brings new meaning to the once vibrant nature pond. Each cold day the vibrancy vanishes into frosty chromatic colours which blend into our hearts. It’s all asleep now with faith of new year when once again joy is trumpeted into the forest. This is our time of refection too , the full moon traditionally known as “darkest depth moon” gives us the grace to look within us , to slow our minds and hearts after the harvest and take time for our inner world to integrate back. into being whole.
There are still some fungus and mushrooms hiding in secret places which I am quite pleased about knowing where they are. It is sign that the place is accepting me more. Due to the amount of rain we have had the moss in the forest is lush deep , the pine needles on the floor soaked allowing beautiful coral fungus , fallen logs coated with moss and lichen on the sides have exquisite turkey fungus with various bandings and some older tree have other types of fungus becoming alert.
The forest has taken on its own and what I love is how the moss creates mysterious shapes in the landscape as it covers fallen tree and protruding branches. The Greens are so varied and clumps of moss are forming embossed circles. In the mornings when the mist is low from the lake and the light dimly lit there is a deep sense of something within me , a feeling I cannot identify but is homely and welcoming.
Crispy muted colours of frosty autumn leaves still hanging onto its mother bring a warm mysterious feeling to the whole reserve and we soon forget cold hands as we seek out beauty with a mix of longing the almost forgotten warm summer days and sense of belonging to the spiritualness of cycles of time.
There is so much contrast of green bramble leaves complimenting the dried remains of berries and within a few strides later dark browns are highlighted with tiniest spots of ochre yellow now quickly turning into sienna and then an array of dark browns until its all black. I am drawn inward to the yellows , they feel familiar to my soul which offers me solace rather than sadness that once again a year has passed.
Serenity of the wild
Finding stillness in the wild to paint what spirit shows me.
I want the movement of the marks
to be the essence of nature.
I want colours to mingle with spirit.
I want it to hold onto you
and be inescapable.
I want to be the tree , the moss , the root
I want to belong within my painting
I want my painting to be the fruiting body
of something new.
Bull Crag Peninsular
I am completely taken by the beautiful autumnal grasses and as I wander around the peninsular I am looking for opportunities to capture a feeling of hope which the array of pastel colours are giving me. I find Birch tree with speckles of greens , yellows and golds to compliment the grasses and cannot resist a photograph.
Each time you come you are looking for a feeling which you can take home hoping it will last until the next time. What is Autumn to you , what resonates and draws you in , and is it each individual plant of autumn that you encounter or the collective infusing into your experience as you wander ?
Your experience belongs to you and your job is recognising what you feel is your truth and not the chattering of others.
Rather than walk by an old plant , honour it with your curiosity and build a connection of love with it. Inspect it like you would bring your awareness to your own body. It is not what it was in summer , it is something new like ourselves as we grow older.
Zoom out and look at it all together making shape shifting stories of time
The November full moon was also called the “Mourning Moon”. Grief is something we integrate within us rather than fight against to forget , As the poet Kahlil Gibran states in “The Prophet”
When you are sorrowful , look again in your heart,
and you shall see, that in truth , you are weeping
for that, which has been your delight
Together they come, and when one sits alone
with you at your board, remember
that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Hareshaw Linn
As the woodland is further stripped of its leaf coverage more of the Brook is revealed tumbling down through a series of waterfalls into Bellingham which I cannot resist taking a photograph of the new view and seeing whether it’s safe to climb down and get closer. I am hoping pathways are revealed more so I can learn new parts of this place. The noise of the water spirits after the downpours of rain takes away any thought you may have , grounding you back into the woodland.
There is treasure still to be found with the abundance of berries and seeds that a hot summer brought. You can still feel that energy contained in the Hawthorn berries as they still insist on feeding all and the birds are still busying themselves almost not believing their luck of such a harvest.
Little stories of the woodland pop up everywhere and it’s a joy just to go seeking them out . Finding a mushroom hiding on the back of decomposing log , or twigs on a tree holding leaves flown around in a storm or maybe a single leaf with some tiny catkins . It is all fun to find and it is our job to bring joy and delight into our lives and in time you will realise it is always the most humblest and simple thing which offer salvation to our hearts.
Let go of the need to make a perfect picture that everyone likes as it limits our connection to joy.
