It all caught up
I was thinking about how to add more layers and value to my website and also about my outdoor painting venture for 2026. I had realised what I had done this year , Stella (the cat) and I had been in 4 homes this year . There has been a lot of goodbyes firstly to the place I lived for 10 years along with friends in the community and then a final goodbye to my parents house which was a house central to my life for 50 years; seeing that house in my rear view mirror brought great sadness. It was a bitter and sweet situation to find myself in their house for 2 months. There had been very scary moments, upsets and betrayal especially on moving into a holiday cottage before my new home which led me me to walking away from family and into self worth.
During the last 7 months in my new home and county I have taking time to settle into a new way with new people and I have spent so much energy with finding places to photograph , develop this diary and evolve my painting which I am proud some have exhibited.
When I began studying Mindfulness and Compassion I had a few intentions , one to be at peace with the world , another to help with my intuitive painting and finally to go deeper in how nature heals, especially the woodland. So my thinking is to work more on the nature part with adding a more instructional blog in the new year so I may reach more people.
I watched a lovely video of the now passed away Thich Nhat Hanh about the “art of suffering” which he beautifully shows how mindfulness brings awareness to what limits us in life and with self compassion we can explore this , feel this and turn it into a better life for ourselves. The lotus flower can only come from the mud but firstly we need to nurture the mud. My imposter syndrome kicks in and I wont do something as I believe others will do better or whats the point if its done already and my mind can get very creative in convincing me its a bad idea. But there is a point , the point is I have a very different perspective on life which people may align to better than others especially when they see its a lived experience.
There is gratitude in once again a home has found me in mysterious ways and even to those who have hurt me for I wouldn’t be here right now looking out of my window to beauty and contemplating a new life. A clean sheet of life requires forgiveness of the past , it doesn’t need to be whole or right away but with intention of what you want to become.
As the cold weather quickly hit this week with a scattering of snow on the hills I realised how really tired I was. That I needed some time just to be without the need of planning , thinking and pushing my limits. Just gentleness , a little joy and even some nurturing my sadness. In the next few weeks I am going to get my ducks all in a row ready for 2026 and then release my mind to silence. I will be still writing the diary and painting.
I have become aware of changes to my normal behaviour of sabotaging myself by radically changing everything, it is still there but I have begun to nurture that feeling more and letting it be without judgement until I receive clarity or insight. I have moved into addition or consolidation rather than destruction. I feel empowered by this event , the understanding arises from the mud into self compassion becoming the lotus flower.
Hareshaw Linn
Bit by bit berries and hips slowly disintegrate and the creatures fight against time and as you walk in the woodlands you can sense this intensity to collect. Mostly , seeds have dispersed but still some reminders remain of whats to become in spring.
It is time to explore the tertiary colours , the browns , the mystical greens and yellows which pepper the woodland. As winter approaches the landscape becomes more and more mono chromatic losing those wondrous colours. Rejoice the mangled chaotic plants , sit with those deep dark mysterious magenta and let it infuse into your soul as remembrance of something you once knew.
Find the dappling rays of sunlight into the woodland and how it lights up the leaves and water droplets are sparkling at the ends of old flower heads and drooping grasses. Explore hidden parts of a brook to find small but energetic cascades of water rather than the majestic waterfalls. See the colours reflect in the water and you will see its harmony of consciousness. Peek under old fallen logs and there might be a hidden kingdom.
Bull Crag Peninsular
In the warmer spots mushrooms still find time to make an appearance as instructed by its mother mycelium to spread its love and make more offerings to creatures planning their winter.
Each day the daylight lessens and as the summer delights are gracefully falling into the under world meeting its ancestors it is time to go deeper into the woodland and find little stories of moss , lichen and aspirational saplings. To make friends with nature you need to seek out its secrets. Natures secrets do not lie in the minds of human intellect , it lies in frequency of the body and heart. Nature knows your breath of life.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
I found a spot to contemplate which lies deeper in the forest on the edge of the lake. I sat there breathing in life which had a wee chill on its edge. I thought to myself , show me a sign that this place is my secret place to ponder , pray and be, as I turned around this beautiful orange staghorn fungus sung out to me. Now I have my meditation spot.
I feel quite paternal of the ferns in this section of the forest. I was there this cycle of life right at the beginning and I was so in love with the fiddleheads and now its there time to leave us now, I like to sit with them , hold there attention and marvel in their shapes and colours. Nature teaches us compassion which heals our soul bringing kindness especially to those we don’t quite understand by knowing we all have our own realities and cadences of life.
It is this time of year which I feel that woodlands have a fairy tale quality about them. There is a sense of a Brothers Grimm or a magical tale of Merlin singing the songs of the wild. I feel a presence of something comforting especially when I sit and paint , it feels I am being approved of in creating something uniquely me and adding it to its story.
in some of the darker and damper patches of the forest "common dog lichen” begins to creep up the trees and reside between the branches and after the long wet storms they come alive with beautifully rich sienna tipped tentacle like shapes. These are new to me and I have only seen them here but now I know where they live now, I can visit them and see what there life is during the year.
My Robin friend turned up once more and another one when I wandered through Hareshaw Linn at the beginning of this week. They make wonderful companions whilst wandering with my camera , we had a good chat and made a date for another time.
Serenity of the Wild
Painting in the wild
I sit in awe of nature
overwhelmed by its intention
through its stillness
my art becomes
nature
Christopher Evans
