Include yourself , Be yourself
Every week for my art website I collate my paintings and add quotes , my and other peoples poetry which began to add something extra than just sharing paintings. It surprised me that I enjoyed writing. I have been able to sit and quietly observe but often with difficulty the riotous mean thoughts of not being enough. It has helped me sit with the mental challenges without just scrapping projects.
I have been drawn for a long time to the “Outsider Artists” which began as research into mentally ill peoples artwork and developed into an art movement. There is wisdom in how these people let the flow of art from them manifest and rejoice and integrate it into their true selves. There is no compromise , the art is the art regardless of other peoples judgement.
There are two quotes which I connect to.
“she was not mad at all , much less in any case than everyone supposed. She made believe . She had been cured for a long time . She cured herself by the process which consists in ceasing to fight against the illness and undertaking on the contrary to cultivate it , to make use of it , to wonder at it, to turn it into an exciting reason for living “ Dubuffet on Aloise Corbaz
and
Henrich Anton manifestly loved nothing so much as his madness, this was his reason for living , and nothing enchanted him more than to project it onto living sheets of paper which he then fixed to a wall and gazed at it.
Most of my life I had tried to fit into something which gave me pain and unhappiness. It wasn’t until January 2021 I discovered that I had “Aphantasia “ where I do not have access to inner senses like visualisation and not until December 2023 learning I was on the spectrum of Autism. All of it made sense to me , it all fitted with my life history but I was unsure what to do with it, another cosmic joke on me, another negative story I had to embrace.
You get told a story which develops your perception of a world and try a fit into it as you know no better as everyone is telling you that same story. You wake up each day and and pretend to be something your not , its enough to get by but you know your different and they know your different and often you are excluded because you are different. How many have this as a story ?
Part of the mental resilience learning and mindfulness we begin to learn “without judgement” , to be able to accept ourselves as we are. But , to me , it is easy said than done , I do not get a felt sense of this. Deep down I know they are just words , better words to incorporate than self hate , but words never the less.
Labels such as Autism are not real things, it is just saying we do not fit into a preferred industrial category and probably not economically viable. Which for my case has been untrue but is our worth as a human based on financial value to a minority of people ?
I expect the ascended masters were all neuro-divergent and didn’t fit into a one fits all mould. It wouldn’t surprise me that the cultures art masters were also.
Acceptance is great but difficult for me to embody, but, inclusion is compassion of wanting your life to be better. Inclusion is an act , it is positive behaviour and has measurable attributes.
“What if” (a wonderful spiritual phrase ) that my Autism was a design feature rather than disability ? that I have been ignoring by true calling as I wanted to be like other people but could never make it, as it wasn’t really me.
Who says that you have to visualise to make art or take photographs. “What if” , my Aphantasia was another innate design feature for me to paint directly from spirit than intellect; to be totally free with expression. That my implanted insecurity , doubt and imposter syndrome are attachments of culture and are really illusions meant to suppress.
Maybe the focus of attention is being yourself and discarding any cultural illusions by forgiving ourselves in believing in something ridiculous. Believing in yourself can be as simple as doing what lights you up regardless of judgement and consistently showing up for yourself.
Are we mad when we rejoice in our own being and make use of what has been gifted to us , to wonder at it , to nourish it , be curious of , to cherish it by including something so unique which belongs to and flavours our beautiful spirit.
Be uplifted and proud of those labels given by society as they are gifts
Is something less worthy if you do not sell it , businesses don’t want to show it and the culture ignores it ? Just think of Van Gogh and you get the measure of the gate keepers of the culture. The universe doesn’t judge you or measure you on your ability to make money it celebrates your art as it adds value by resonating into the universe.
It is said that nature evolves the niche to create harmony and balance in the world. You are the niche which unifies as the whole so be you and include all of you. Treasure your divinity.
Bull Crag Peninsular
It normally takes me three and half hours to walk around the 6 miles of Bull Crag Peninsular due to taking photographs , I think I am on the ground for 30 minutes of that getting close to something that’s said hello. It took me an hour less walking around which said to me one thing “not enough photographs” and I was right. I will have to keep my eye open for a particularly frosty or misty morning to add some flavour to what is almost fallen back now.
It is a good thing , the place is at rest and I should be too. The absence is the essence of rest and recuperation. I just have to let go of the nagging head saying , more , more and more .
It was a lovely walk interrupted by one runner and had company by various little birds popping out to take a look at what I am taking photographs at. I am brought back to the mission to show what each month has to offer in nature rather than getting excited about having amazing photographs to show : nature is amazing and doesn’t need a good photograph it needs more people supporting it.
I managed to find some hidden oranges and I especially was taken by what is normally white lichen splodges ( is that a word ? ) turned orange. The more you go , the more I am delighted with something different. The colours are truly gratifying to soak yourself into.
There are a few pine trees where the cones are so overloaded they are almost breaking the branches and the hue and tones of each cone add texture to the tree. I love making ink from pine cones , they all seem to turn into a rich, warm reddy burnt Sienna colour. The ink is semi transparent and makes lovely drawings.
It is a simple process of infusing them for a few days in litre lidded tuppaware container alkaline “10” water , use a teaspoon and half of soda ash , and then intensify by gently simmering it all together for 10-20 minutes gently reducing down. Make sure that the cones picked are strong in colour. Mix in teaspoon of Gum Arabic whilst warm to add as a binder and finally a few droplets of clove oil to prevent mould. There is no fixed science , just play and find your recipe , it will never be the same.
Due to the low light off a sunny but crisp morning the part of the forest where moss has reclaimed the harvested tree create a mystical fairy place , the moss in-between is deep and cushiony inviting you in to sit , have a cup of coffee and have a chat to a tree. It is those moments to realise what is real in life
I am also seeking the beauty of the naked trees , showing their shapes and nuanced colours . I get lost in looking at the negative shapes forming different stories and the endless criss crossing reaching far back slowly filling up this shapes with hints of sunlight. There is something magical about the moss finding its residence and building its aspiration to conceal the whole tree.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
I jumped in the car when the light was strong enough to take photographs, as looking out of my window it was a frosty wonderland. I wanted to get the frost for the whole photographic journey so everything else was dropped.
As the more forested areas protected there were interludes of frostiness and then back to the dark autumn greens of the larch trees.
My favourite nature pond was frozen over and the colours turning mono chromatic but that bull rush is still there on a wee island in the middle of the pond. I get excited when I visit , even when I come to paint my first port of call is this pond , just a moment to see whats going on maybe a chit chat with a duck.
As soon as autumn arrives I am waiting for the first frost, Jack Frost to come along and entertain me. The cold air on your face and fingers nipping with cold is so grounding and connecting to nature but I soon warm up as I am like a child in a sweet shop with all the plants blessed with a touch of frost.
I believe that Jack Frost maybe Anglo Saxon but I am sure that before their arrival on these shores there was something else or probably an amalgamation of both cultures.
Oh , you fierce little man
Jack Frost
Jack Frost, he is with us again;
He comes every winter, you know;
But we’re hardy and bold,
And we don’t mind the cold,
And we welcome the ice and snow.
Jack Frost plays a rough sort of game
With the children wherever he goes;
He pinches their cheeks;
Their noses he tweaks;
And he treads on their ten little toes.
Jack Frost makes the ground rather hard,
But with thick boots we clatter about;
And we run till our breath
Puffs away like a wreath
Of white steam from the tea-kettle’s spout.
Jack Frost lays his hand on the pond,
And turns it to glittering ice;
Then the skaters they glide,
And the sliders they slide;
Just think of that, isn’t it nice?
Jack Frost is sure to be found
Where the sleigh-bells are tinkling clear;
As the horses, so strong,
Canter gaily along,
While the lads give a shout and a cheer.
Jack Frost, then, you’re welcome again!
Of pleasures you bring us a store;
But be as mild as you can,
Oh, you fierce little man!
When you visit the feeble and poor.
Unknown Author , Published Lisburn Standard Newspaper 1905
There is something exquisite about frost touching the remaining plants, the colours are mesmerising beautiful in their subtlety. Do the other plants have more faith and gone to rest or is it a special meeting with god where the frost sweetens them before joining the underworld ? I feel grateful for its arrival as it sweetens my heart seeing such marvel.
Panting in the Wild
Serenity of the Wild
Sitting motionless
frozen with doubt
then
A bird sings
cold air on my fingers
my breathe speaks out
to the damp saturated forms
its me , its me , its me
I am the form
I am the movement
I am the touch
I am the colour
I paint the vibration
of joining consciousness
Left : Watercolour & pencil on Leda Supplies 170x250mm sketch book
Middle: Oil on 50 x 65cm paper
Right : Watercolour , Pencil & Charcoal on A2 heavy weight cartridge paper
Hareshaw Linn
Too bright and the light flattens and dark means that I have to use a tripod which I do not prefer, I love just walking through like a squirrel finding goodies. Like Bull Crag Peninsular I have the pleasure in returning to take more pictures and as the light wont be returning for a long while I will have to use the tripod next time. It is all the fun of taking photographs in the wild.
The space is silent of birds but you can sense them being very busy in harvesting the berries and anything else. I stop for small breaks just to see the little birds flirting around in the under growth and as fast as a flash taking a berry from a tree.
If it wasn’t for the mad rush of water hurtling down through the woods due to days of rain there would be total silence. In places the woodland geography buffers the sound, that silence grabs hold of you , that’s the silence you seek , the silence of life , a silence of consciousness wanting you to experience it in your mind.
Go out into the woods and sit and listen to the quality of the silence , nature at rest is the same as your mind at rest.
