It is not my dream life.
A scary beginning of the week with Stella the cat becoming poorly. We went to the Vets and a few days later extracted a 3 inch blade of grass from her nose ( ouch , that would be horrid if it was my nose never mind a little cat). She never complains about anything and just got on the best she could. When she was struggling and I was beside myself concerned I had a little insightful moment about people whom seem to think they know what my dream life is. It just came as a flash.
For a very long time I have lived in a trap of other peoples expectations and beliefs which has caused me a lot of bad choices and pain.
As I have a brain condition which I cannot visualise, I experience life differently and I do not have dream jobs , houses , cars or anything else. I cannot recall colours , taste , smells, touch and sounds so I do not have favourites. I do not crave for things as I experience nothing internally to crave about.
What I have failed to learn is the distinction between wants and intentional living: to be able to define something and create it with faith. Over the last few years Mindfulness has helped me learn to do this but I still get caught up with western society definitions of success.
Wealth and status isn’t my dream life or definition of success
Creating an independent income from my art , nature and mindfulness would be welcoming but it isn’t a dream life. It is just making money from something I would do regardless. I am not any less something just if I do not successfully make money from it.
When I looked at my amazing bestie and family , Stella, I realised I am already living a great life. My intentional life is simple humble life of joy , fun , creativity and nature. . I am successful in being content, authentic and grateful with who I am.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
I became so worried with Stella that I had to re write this weeks diary as I had managed to repeat myself from previous posts. Although I could repeat myself to how I am in love with Bakethin nature ponds. I am going to take an exact picture each month just to show its transitions of life: Love can never be boring ! Meanwhile, at the moment the insects are having a rock festival and I seem to have a thing about bull rushes. I am still deciding whether I should invest in a full macro lens or not but at this moment I love what I am doing with what I have already.
When you find your nature place to hang out and make friends with, the moments slow down and you begin to notice more things. Like watching a film over and over , you start seeing more layers. It is difficult to express this , I photograph something which I know is a nuanced change but for others it may just be a flower passed its instagram best.
Purple is definitely the colour of July.
I do not understand why people think Nettles are weeds as they are not only amazing plants but I think quite beautiful especially the amazing delicate jewel like flowers they show at this time of year. I am going out to find these flowers in full bloom as they are dreamy.
In meditation we zoom in and out with our awareness. We zoom into our breath to anchor ourselves when our minds get really busy so we may learn to be more present in the messiness of life.
I just love the messiness of plants and flowers. Everything is bursting with life but each part in there is zooming into its own breath. Each part is flourishing by being present in the messiness.
We all have our separate realities but often I do feel that we follow what other people decide what is beautiful or not, without even a glance at ourselves to feel whether we like it ourselves.
Liking what you like is to me the new Punk.
The messy , the flawed , the old is all beautiful
Bull Crag Peninsular
This is my second date with this place and things are a lot easier now I know the way. I can recommend on a sunny day about 7am , early enough for solitude but late enough for the midges bedtime.
The breeze was up a little which helped reduce the flies and it chopped up the water a wee bit giving the lovely sound of water lapping the shore.
I had noticed today some Forestry tracks which take you into the interior of Bull Crag Peninsular , it is mainly Forestry Trees but I have made a note for later on in the year to go and have a adventure. I am enjoying the paths so much at the moment that I am happy wandering along trying to catch an opportunity to make a picture. I am still loving the grasses at the moment
A close second is Clover. Deeply rooted in our folklore in the UK. It’s the child within that wants to search for a 4 leaf one, which is your VIP pass to the world of Faeries. Quite weirdly as I wandered some other woodland parts I did have a strange feeling of something following me and kept on looking back , might be worrying whether I am going to be caught chatting to the plants ! Last time I was caught I was getting those looks that they stumbled on a weirdo and scurried past me.
I mean , seriously , who doesn’t talk to plants and trees . They know you are there and it’s good manners to ask consent to take pictures and say hello !
You are not just wandering through nature looking at beauty and awe but your are time travelling through folklore and walking the path of our ancients. Magic comes from within you and when you open up your mind to your walks through nature it comes alive.
Hareshaw Linn
There are certainly many adventures to be had here , some maybe even quite wet ones. Presently I am exploring whats in front of me along the paths as there are so many unseen to me layers. I know from my explorations of woodlands in Nidderdale that Winter reveals all paths and I can wait whilst enjoying its summer flourish.
Continuing the Clover theme and its long association in British Folklore. Its trifoliate nature is a sign of balance and harmony , whilst its white flowers signify purity and clarity. It brings positive energies and auspicious beginnings. So, take some to a house warming , a wedding or your new business venture.
Do not forget that each day is an auspicious beginning , so a few in a wee glass jar on your windows cill won’t harm. Plants thrive when they are used , they grow back stronger and taught our ancients to understand reciprocity. It is to understand it’s a gift and not a commodity which we are entitled to.
For me it’s symbol for hope and resilience.
Life is a cycle and we should not exploit possibilities but bring gratitude to natures offering when it becomes available and then let it go with a knowing our resilience lies in everything changes.
