Creating Space
The term “spaciousness” came into my life when I began learning Mindfulness in 2020 but was something I was unconsciously seeking. It is work in progress as there are many layers to the concept of space some which are nuanced but mainly it is an embodying experience rather than intellectual exercise.
Many years ago I read the jazz musician Miles Davis autobiography in which he gave praise to a jazz pianist who I cannot remember, as he created space within his music. Not the space between notes which define music but allowing others to collaborate which weaved beauty and created depth that not one person could create.
Before 2020 most of life I have been unconsciously seeking space by going out climbing , hiking , mountain biking and just wandering wild spaces. I had not realised that it was space I was really seeking
In my life I never had space by lacking agency which created resentment and anger but mainly burn out. I always was overwhelmed with everyone else’s needs especially in my work that it created feeling of my energy displaced all the time and never present to my own life needs. The very first time I really had enough space just to breathe , feel and consider my life is in 2008 when I went on a trip to Nepal and India which those long bus rides felt so different , so spacious that I first began questioning whether there was a better way to live.
In meditation we create space by allowing without judgement whatever is going on in both our inner and outer worlds. It was meditation which showed me how creating space creates the same calmness as sitting alone in a middle of a moorland even when chaos was around me. It was the creation of space when things were horrible earlier this year that allowed me to surrender and let whatever happens play itself out.
I have learnt more about space and creating space around myself and how other people interact with me. I worked hard to reduce the impact of others within my life and continuously trying to reduce down to whats important but that in itself doesn’t creates resilient space as what is really needed is it to be unconditional where you can allow others to interact like the pianist Miles Davis admired.
Understanding that we all have separate realities with a spectrum of behaviours creates space to allow people you may think are criticising or being mean about something. Those words may not of meant to be harmful but their way of collaborating and sometimes a mean message can be from someone unhappy in their own life.
I find it still hard to do but I know leaning into my insecurity of what people say about my paintings is allowing space around what I create. It is not so much “letting go” as I am proud of my paintings but the space is “letting be”.
Creating space around my feelings of being an imposter and attachments which limit my capacity due to fear of rejection is a different model which I am trying to work through. This is very much work in progress for me .
As someone autistic I know that living alone with Stella “the cat” is healthy for my mental health and that I have to manage my engagement. Knowing our own notes to play and how to create space between is making our own melodies of life.
I know that I will always wander in the wild alone but as that inner space increases I can sometimes collaborate with others as I have not made my contentment conditional.
The openness to engage is a difficult space for me and by learning awareness of my reactions through mindfulness along with the knowledge to lean into something helps to gather deep insight to what blocks us. It is easy said than done but not being hard on yourself helps getting better at something.
I am still learning through meditation how to evolve that spaciousness within my life and how that feels. To be able to anchor myself with breath and stillness when things feel uncomfortable. .
Something that I also experience on this path of self discovery , is the path itself becomes restricting and closes up the space you create. Creating space has a sense of lightness and trying too hard and over thinking is heavy. I just remember a simple phrase , everything is ok , nothing to do , nothing to fix , just be.
Hareshaw Linn
I was told that early morning on Autumn Equinox , last Monday , that the temperature was minus 1 and it surely felt cold when I got up. A normal cold gauge is whether Stella my cat is snuggling close to me in the morning. I am a cold fan and love moving into Autumn with the cold and dark nights.
This week we had blue skies and about 11 degrees during the day which is perfect for walks and that temperature is a catalyst for the plants and leaves to quicken into their autumn outfits.
I planned this last week of September to take account of the weather as I wanted to go out to find things to create my nature assemblies and also to begin developing my gestural drawing in landscapes. Drawing is about embodying life , as I cannot recall images I use my body to remember. I think of drawing like dance , it comes from my centre outwards using my body , my arms and hand to make gestural shapes often allowing my imagination to take it further. Those movements then manifest in my painting.
I will also now forage some nature for addition to my paintings. I like to think of them as mark making rather than representing their given identity.
Maybe because I cannot recall inner senses that I connect to nature to experience gratitude and abundance. Autumn harvest is a wonderful time to embody this as a feeling by just sitting quietly for 30 minutes or more near fruits on trees , watching creatures collect and experiencing the energy of reciprocity as the seeds spread further.
It is an informal meditation of being in the midst of nature engaging in life. Just bring yourself back to anything which anchors your intention to be present , maybe your breath , maybe a bird collecting berries , a breeze through the tree, the sounds of nature . maybe the colours of berries when your thoughts pop into your awareness and then let go to being in the midst once again.
A personal favourite is sitting in the vicinity of mushrooms. Yes , you can photograph them , draw them and if you know what you are doing forage them but just sitting with them is joy in itself and if you wish have a chat with them I am sure they listen and enjoy the connection.
Walking the path of beauty is seeing beauty in everything and honouring change with joy. Go out now and find a story of autumn nature and enquire into its teachings of life. Let go of needing other peoples opinions , it is your experience and whatever comes to you , is between nature and you.
Bull Crag Peninsular
On the last weekend of September and after the cold I am now wondering what October may bring and instead of worrying whether there will be enough to photograph as things diminish I begin to think how I can show the diminishing. Let nature inform you of its own story rather than the need to show oneself in the story. Be the awareness !
Leaves are great story tellers of being an individual in a community , of how our environment affects us and one of the cadence of life. I love finding contrast and what better than the variations of colour amongst leaves.
Each leaf has its own timeline , its own genetic make up of pigments , its own little place in the environment to receive sunlight , temperature and rain. Carotenoids produce yellows and oranges and revealed when the green of Chlorophyll break downs in the autumn. The more sunlight , the more Anthocyanins making the leafs turn in Reds and Purples providing wonderful autumn displays in woodlands.
Along the open areas adjacent the lake shoreline the grasses in the verges have an array of browns turned by the sunlight creating a brittle crispness to the place. There are still in-between the exposed areas and the darker forest where dappled light has protected the march to autumn leaving spots of yellows and greens however some plants are not sure either way.
Bakethin Nature Reserve
Beauty of a “compassionate mess” of life is something I am drawn to. It is phrase taught by my mindfulness teachers and revert to a lot. Being someone who has not fitted in I have always be drawn to things in life other perceive as flawed and a mess. but when I see nature similar I like to embrace it as a kindred spirit and often seek this out in my photography. To champion nature it has to be within its wholeness as that’s what nature wishes us to learn about ourselves and how we interact.
Everything is entangled and inter connected. The image doesn’t seem to say “space” until you realise that there has been enough space for everything to contribute their part in this years flourishing.
When one door closes another one opens up like the blackberries and fungus during Autumn.
You now have to go looking for flowers but they are waiting to be found , a lilac knapweed flower still bursting with joy and a new crimson plant poking its nose out of the under growth.
In contrast to summer beauty a plant with only its structure remaining creates beautiful intricate patterns
